First off, My sister and I are NOT close in ANY WAY! Unfortunately that is the way it has ALWAYS been. We just clash. Well her 3rd born son Dezten, is now her latest victim to her and her husbands vicious ways. He has been moved from Mom, to dad, to mom and then to Grandma Gail (my mom) He has been living with her lately and doing well. But his father mark suddenly decided that he wasn't going to pay 1 cent in child support so he is gonna fight to get Dezten back, NOT BECAUSE Dez was worth it in the first place, but because he doesn't want to pay child support. I don't understand how selfish people can be. Granted in this part of it, its not my sister being the fighting to get him back just so she doesn't have to pay child support, but i feel anger towards her for allowing this mess to happen in the first place. This is her 3rd time she has lost/given up her baby due to the need to be wild still, or something. I guess I don't really know her side or feelings of it. So anyway!Second, I am sad about my brother. Honestly he is doing the best he has ever done in his WHOLE life as far as I am concerned. He is engaged to be married to a wonderful girl Tabatha. I am so thankful for her as she seemed to have given him the motivation to believe in himself and WANT MORE! He is going back to school even, in college. I am so p
roud of him!! Its so great. So I guess I am not sad about him, just saddened at how we ended up! I do take responsibility for this situation as I am the "BIG SISTER" and should have done more! But I didn't! We aren't really close anymore, and i hate it. We had a HUGE falling out a while back and it hurt so bad. I felt so alone. Growing up he has always been there for me, my ROCK, my support to get through everything I have. But things ended BADLY!! Anyway I thought that it would be so nice to see him again to rekindle things so I invited him to my wedding. When I saw him in my yard I was overcome with fear, excitement, tears, pride, and my stomach just churned. I wanted to run up tackle him and HUG him BUT I KNEW IF I DID I WOULD BREAK DOWN INTO TEARS, so I just walked up and said HELLO! But at the wedding my brother made comments "why do I have to be in this picture, why am I tortured to stand here, why why why? " It literally devastated me, I mean him and Tabatha drove the whole way here and then he just whined about it. I wanted to get a picture with JUST HIM AND I But was still devastated and was fighting back tears, YET AGAIN and it was my wedding day! Then the day after my wedding we went to my cousin Roberta's and on the fridge I noticed for the 2nd 
time that there was an invitation to his wedding next year. The day prior to it I thought "oh mine must be in my invite or in the mail" But then I realized, they CHOSE NOT TO INCLUDE ME ON HIS SPECIAL DAY! It attacked me like a slap to the face, a PUNCH REALLY!!! I couldn't believe it, my brother, the one who I was there for growing up and vise versa! I still don't get the reasoning behind it. He invited my cousin Roberta (WHO I UNDERSTAND WHY HE WANTS HER THERE) and then he EXCLUDES me from it! I have been trying to deal with it lately but it seems I can't move past it. It just crushes me! I am hoping that by posting this and getting to write about it will help me come to some resolution, some closure to the fact that things REALLY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! That we just NEVER will be close! It sucks but this only makes me feel farther from him then before. If that makes sense. I am trying NOT to be upset by this, but it really breaks my heart! I just hope and pray that one day things will get better, but for now its only pushed that WEDGE between us deeper! It really sucks, but Will if for SOME REASON YOU FIND THIS BLOG, please know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY and wish you HAPPINESS!! I ALWAYS HAVE!
roud of him!! Its so great. So I guess I am not sad about him, just saddened at how we ended up! I do take responsibility for this situation as I am the "BIG SISTER" and should have done more! But I didn't! We aren't really close anymore, and i hate it. We had a HUGE falling out a while back and it hurt so bad. I felt so alone. Growing up he has always been there for me, my ROCK, my support to get through everything I have. But things ended BADLY!! Anyway I thought that it would be so nice to see him again to rekindle things so I invited him to my wedding. When I saw him in my yard I was overcome with fear, excitement, tears, pride, and my stomach just churned. I wanted to run up tackle him and HUG him BUT I KNEW IF I DID I WOULD BREAK DOWN INTO TEARS, so I just walked up and said HELLO! But at the wedding my brother made comments "why do I have to be in this picture, why am I tortured to stand here, why why why? " It literally devastated me, I mean him and Tabatha drove the whole way here and then he just whined about it. I wanted to get a picture with JUST HIM AND I But was still devastated and was fighting back tears, YET AGAIN and it was my wedding day! Then the day after my wedding we went to my cousin Roberta's and on the fridge I noticed for the 2nd 
time that there was an invitation to his wedding next year. The day prior to it I thought "oh mine must be in my invite or in the mail" But then I realized, they CHOSE NOT TO INCLUDE ME ON HIS SPECIAL DAY! It attacked me like a slap to the face, a PUNCH REALLY!!! I couldn't believe it, my brother, the one who I was there for growing up and vise versa! I still don't get the reasoning behind it. He invited my cousin Roberta (WHO I UNDERSTAND WHY HE WANTS HER THERE) and then he EXCLUDES me from it! I have been trying to deal with it lately but it seems I can't move past it. It just crushes me! I am hoping that by posting this and getting to write about it will help me come to some resolution, some closure to the fact that things REALLY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! That we just NEVER will be close! It sucks but this only makes me feel farther from him then before. If that makes sense. I am trying NOT to be upset by this, but it really breaks my heart! I just hope and pray that one day things will get better, but for now its only pushed that WEDGE between us deeper! It really sucks, but Will if for SOME REASON YOU FIND THIS BLOG, please know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY and wish you HAPPINESS!! I ALWAYS HAVE!
I was thinking about Will the other day... for no reason at all. You know how random people from the past will just pop into your mind. I was wondering how he was doing. He looks great in these pictures. I am sorry to hear that things fell apart there. Hopefully he will come around. Glad that you are a blogger too! It is therapeutic
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