~Back to Work~

Well its official.. I now have to WORK at WORK.. Can you believe it? I am still SHOCKED!!

My work has just BLOCKED facebook.

I can no longer log on and see what is going on with family and friends, or send a message, post on someones wall, play a game, see pictures or just feel that freedom I had earlier today even. My cousin Im'd me and said "we are blocked down here, no fb" I laughed and said ha ha and immediately logged on and BAM it hit me like some bricked "ACCESS DENIED WEBSITE RESTRICTED".

I feel so pathetic about it, as I am TRULY saddened that I cannot get on there. I have to work at work? WHAT? It will take some getting used to, but FYI can't reply to your messages any longer, back to EMAILING! But on a positive note, I am going to be getting so much MORE done now! So that should be more impressive!

State Workers DO TO have to WORK like everyone else.. here is proof.. lol!

Pictures

Well we have our pictures back from the WONDERFUL Craig Tovey! He does AMAZING WORK! I couldn't be more happy with them! Thanks CRAIG!!

I love this picture, our DIP KISS! SO FUN! I am so happy and so thrilled that Craig was able to take such fun, amazing pictures that will help Jason and I remember How great it was. So many amazing memories were captured!

Father/Daughter Dance; Granted he changed out of his tux, it will be something that stays with me forever. He sang the words fromt he song to me, then entire time we danced. I felt like a little girl again dancing with her daddy! It was a priceless moment that will remain close to my heart. I love you dad!

So we have been filling the house with new pictures! Down the hallway. I just Love them! They turned out GREAT, we re-did our LARGE poster size collage with wedding pictures, its so AMAZING!

I...

I often. . .
wonder what my future will include
I have . . .
The greatest husband
I fear . . .
Death
I feel . . .
Blessed to have such a wonderful family (both mine and my NEW IN-LAW FAMILY)
I hear . . .
paper shuffling
I smell . . .
my lotion "pretty in Pink" vs
I hate. . .
abuse and lies
I think. . .
I want to have a family of MY OWN, SOON!
I want. . .
Everyone to have ENOUGH!
I always. . .
fall asleep better when Jason holds me
I am not. . .
Perfect
I am like . . .
my parents and strive to be more like my cousin Roberta and my Nana :D
I believe. . .
That great things happen to great people & that EVERYONE is entitled to happiness!
I don't always. . .
take time for myself
I am happy that. . .
I have so many people that are always there to support me
I win. . .
because I have the most amazing husband, the greatest family and the best friends anyone could ask for!
I lose. . .
often enough to learn lessons and move forward. I think that losing is also important so we can grow fromt he experiences and become stronger
I hardly ever. . .
Do things for MYSELF
I need. . .
My family
I listen. . .
with my heart as well
I am scared of. . .
Failing as a mother!
I read. . .
Often, actually in the middle of a book now. I have made it a goal to read more books each year then the previous year. I am making it TOUGH for next year so far lol
I am . . .
SO THANKFUL AND SO HAPPY!!!
Copy, Paste, and Put on Your Blog with Your Own Answers!

~Wonderful Words of WISDOM~

I read this email and it really SANK in for me! I think TOO MANY people go through life too quickly and FORGET the little things in life that mean the most. I just believe that if more people took the following message to heart, we would all be a lot happier! I WISH YOU ALL ENOUGH!!!

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.TAKE TIME TO LIVE....To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH.

I WISH YOU ALL ENOUGH!!!

~ 1 Month Anniversary ~

Jason and I have been married now for 1 month TODAY! :D It is amazing how quickly the time FLIES right on by! I feel so ecstatic about it! I am so happy! I mean the love of my life, asked me to marry him, does it get ANY better? Oh wait.... YES IT DOES! We were married August 22nd, 2009. It feels good to know that we have been tied together as a family for OUR FOREVER! I know this is real short and sweet, but I am just so happy that I AM A WIFE! It feels so great, so empowering! I am so much more confident now and it has taken away a lot of insecurities! So much STRESS has been lifted off my shoulders as well! I am no longer stressing about the wedding, no more plans or details, or last minute adjustments. I just get to SIT BACK and ENJOY my husband and our new life together! I am Looking forward to our 1 year anniversary, that will be really exciting!

~Heart Walk~

My cousin Roberta had sent me the link to her team for the American Heart Association's Start the Heart Walk and I immediately signed up to walk with her! So I was at her house at 7am and we took 2 cars to Sugar House Park! We piled out of the car (Roberta, Jim, Tayden, Brennen, Gavin, Michael & I) and we went over to the booths. We all got signs to put on our shirts that read "In Loving Memory of Katarina Rose May 12th 1997 -- March 28th 1998"! It was a 5K and it was so easy! You get the motivation from doing something so selfless and its over before you know it! It felt so amazing to be by my cousin's side walking in Katarina's memory, being a part of something bigger than all of us.

Though this year we only walked, we have made it a promise that next year and every year after we will do the RUN together in honor of her daughter! I am actually looking forward to it! Its such an amazing experience to get out there and do your part!

If you have never participated in an organization like this, PLEASE START TODAY! ITS AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH IF YOU WE ALL WORK TOGETHER!

~ A Bit Sad ~

So I am trying to stay positive lately about some things, but for some reason I am finding myself saddened about the same things over and over again! I just keep struggling with it and I am NOT SURE HOW TO MOVE FORWARD! They both are baout my brother and sister, which is making me question whether or not I am a good person, whether or not its ME and not really them. I just don't know! :(

First off, My sister and I are NOT close in ANY WAY! Unfortunately that is the way it has ALWAYS been. We just clash. Well her 3rd born son Dezten, is now her latest victim to her and her husbands vicious ways. He has been moved from Mom, to dad, to mom and then to Grandma Gail (my mom) He has been living with her lately and doing well. But his father mark suddenly decided that he wasn't going to pay 1 cent in child support so he is gonna fight to get Dezten back, NOT BECAUSE Dez was worth it in the first place, but because he doesn't want to pay child support. I don't understand how selfish people can be. Granted in this part of it, its not my sister being the fighting to get him back just so she doesn't have to pay child support, but i feel anger towards her for allowing this mess to happen in the first place. This is her 3rd time she has lost/given up her baby due to the need to be wild still, or something. I guess I don't really know her side or feelings of it. So anyway!

Second, I am sad about my brother. Honestly he is doing the best he has ever done in his WHOLE life as far as I am concerned. He is engaged to be married to a wonderful girl Tabatha. I am so thankful for her as she seemed to have given him the motivation to believe in himself and WANT MORE! He is going back to school even, in college. I am so proud of him!! Its so great. So I guess I am not sad about him, just saddened at how we ended up! I do take responsibility for this situation as I am the "BIG SISTER" and should have done more! But I didn't! We aren't really close anymore, and i hate it. We had a HUGE falling out a while back and it hurt so bad. I felt so alone. Growing up he has always been there for me, my ROCK, my support to get through everything I have. But things ended BADLY!! Anyway I thought that it would be so nice to see him again to rekindle things so I invited him to my wedding. When I saw him in my yard I was overcome with fear, excitement, tears, pride, and my stomach just churned. I wanted to run up tackle him and HUG him BUT I KNEW IF I DID I WOULD BREAK DOWN INTO TEARS, so I just walked up and said HELLO! But at the wedding my brother made comments "why do I have to be in this picture, why am I tortured to stand here, why why why? " It literally devastated me, I mean him and Tabatha drove the whole way here and then he just whined about it. I wanted to get a picture with JUST HIM AND I But was still devastated and was fighting back tears, YET AGAIN and it was my wedding day! Then the day after my wedding we went to my cousin Roberta's and on the fridge I noticed for the 2nd time that there was an invitation to his wedding next year. The day prior to it I thought "oh mine must be in my invite or in the mail" But then I realized, they CHOSE NOT TO INCLUDE ME ON HIS SPECIAL DAY! It attacked me like a slap to the face, a PUNCH REALLY!!! I couldn't believe it, my brother, the one who I was there for growing up and vise versa! I still don't get the reasoning behind it. He invited my cousin Roberta (WHO I UNDERSTAND WHY HE WANTS HER THERE) and then he EXCLUDES me from it! I have been trying to deal with it lately but it seems I can't move past it. It just crushes me! I am hoping that by posting this and getting to write about it will help me come to some resolution, some closure to the fact that things REALLY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! That we just NEVER will be close! It sucks but this only makes me feel farther from him then before. If that makes sense. I am trying NOT to be upset by this, but it really breaks my heart! I just hope and pray that one day things will get better, but for now its only pushed that WEDGE between us deeper! It really sucks, but Will if for SOME REASON YOU FIND THIS BLOG, please know that I LOVE YOU DEARLY and wish you HAPPINESS!! I ALWAYS HAVE!