~ Day 4 ~

4) A Habit you wish you didn't have



Well this one is tough! I am stumped on a topic.. Not that I don't have habits I don't like but I am a girl! A woman.. Which means we find MANY faults in our self and seem to think 90-100% of the time they are worse than they really are!! I mean MEN never really do this. Sure they have things they don't like about themselves, but they don't dwell on it the way we do..



Anyway, One of the habits I wish I didn't have was the way I am constantly insecure about things! For instance on Wednesday a gal I work with, Danielle, came to my desk and I opened up to her about how I still get so nervous when I hear people whispering. I know it sounds stupid but for some reason, when I hear people whispering, it takes me back to high school. When I would walk around a corner and would see people "clearly talking about me" quickly change the subject because I was present suddenly! It is the most awkward feeling in all the land to me. To feel UNWANTED! So when I hear whispering I can't help but to investigate- look up and see if when I look at them she quickly look away or stop talking. As that is usually the sign it was just about me. I hate that I even care, but I do! I do my best to be a good person and to treat others well, but for some reason I still feel like I am not good enough for others... In society today we all try so hard to fit in, myself included. Since being with Jason I can honestly say that I have gotten better. NOT CURED, but better. He has taught me that its ok to just "be me"! That he "loves me FOR ME" which is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever known. He makes me feel confident and sexy. Yet when it comes to me and friendships/relationships with other girls, I am still terrified basically! I choose my friends VERY CAREFULLY now as I have been "burned" so many times in the past!



Onto a lighter habit I wish I didn't have.. For some reason I have abbreviated a lot of words in my vocabulary in order to say them that much quicker, its SO DUMB!! But I do.. Instead of saying supposed to I find myself saying "posta"! Like "I posta get laundry going really quick!" It drives me nuts but I do it all the time. Or instead of saying "probably" I always say "Prolly" "I'm prolly gonna go home and watch my show"! See again, JUST PURE LAZINESS, but it happens all the time! I don't know why I do it, but it just comes out now and I don't realize it until I have already SAID IT!!



A habit that I DO WISH I HAD THO (see how I am ending on a positive note) is I want to start TELLING people how I feel "I love them", "thank you", or just keeping in touch better with them MORE OFTEN! That way they know! I Feel like you always walk away feeling like a BILLION bucks after someone just OUT OF THE BLUE says "hey I was thinking of you" or "I miss you" or "hey you look so pretty in that"! It's such a confidence booster! :D