~ Day 19 ~

19. Nicknames you have & why?

(I have SEVERAL, but I love them all)

Growing up I remember so many nicknames... My Grandfather Bruce started one YEARS ago when I was really young. My grandparents (the ones I used to live with) call me "Suggie Bear"! Not really sure where it came from exactly but it really stuck. I am 25 years old now and I am still called it when I talk, email, or go visit with them! =D I don't mind a bit though, as its become a part of who I am. That's me.. Been responding to it for years now! It puts smile on my face when I call them and they'll say "well hi Suggie". I miss them so much and look up to them sooo much! They have done sooo much for me growing up, don't know where I would be without them. Jason laughed OUT LOUD the first time he heard it but then smiled and just agreed that it does seem to "fit" who I am.. Jason will sometimes call me "Suggie Bear" and it again just seems so natural!!

Another name that I go by, but isn't actually "my name" just yet, is "Montana." When I was 16 years old I moved here with my brother. We moved in with my cousin and 1 week before school started, there was a football game at Cyprus High School. I decided to go and see if I could make a few friends before school started. I couldn't seem to find my way onto the field to watch the game. I asked this tall blond girl directions to the gate. She laughed said "Just come with me". She started asking me what my name was, where I was from, what grade I was in. Her name is Randi Bezzant (first friend I made here in UTAH- "THANKS RANDI"). There was a party after the game and I went to see if Roberta would be ok if I went with my "new friends". Though a little hesitant at first (as she didn't know these kids at all) she agreed for me to go for a while. At this party everyone kept forgetting my name (not a huge deal since I am the new girl and didn't hang out with them all the time) but Randi and Kevin Beach finally said "you know what, we are gonna call you "MONTANA"" and it just STUCK!!! I have gone by Montana since right before I turned 17 (8 1/2 years) now and let me just say "I LOVE IT"! It gives me this extra big BOOST of confidence that I never had from my real name. I don't respond to my real name anymore, haven't for years. When I do realize its me and that they are calling my real name I cringe at the sound of it, at acknowledging it as being me. It brings back so many terrible memories/times in my life and I feel like it just "weighs me down". With "Montana" it was my FRESH start at life I feel like. When I lived in Dillon I was always judged as being "Gail's daughter" or "Chareena's little sister", so people automatically felt they knew me and knew the type of person I was because of their reputations. So they wouldn't give me the time of day to prove I am NOT like them. But here with "Montana" was the first time in my life I felt PROUD of who I AM as a person. I was judged for being ME, not related to someone else. I was accountable for who/what I was known for. It was amazing. I still want to get my first name changed and I am hoping to have it completed by this next TAX TIME! It's juts $400+ to do so and it seems the moment I get that $ saved, something comes up and we have to use that money! My cousin Roberta calls me "Tana" for short and it seems cute and catchy also...

Another nickname I have always had is "Punkin". This one is strictly something my dad calls me. Has called me "Punkin" since the day I was born. When/if anyone else calls me that, it irritates me to no end. But when I hear it from my dad's mouth it seems to "comfort me." It is who I am (when coming from him) and I am alright with that. All of my birthday cards I saved growing up, or letters from him all say "Dear Punkin", "To my Punkin", "I love you Punkin". So it just seems so natural that he still calls me that. :D

Jason has a few nicknames for me as well. But they are mostly very common names.. He will call me, "Honey baby love", "Honey", "baby", "Monty", "Suggie", and a few others. I don't mind it a all, but rather I feel more comforted when he calls me the sweet little names...